I think the hardest thing in world to say to goodbye to the one person whom you love the most. I loved him with everything in me…i gave so much love to him and still do….i still feel so connected to him. But at the same time…i feel so abandoned…so left out of his life. He doesn’t love me. Not in the way that I need or want…I want passion, respect, fun, hope, faithfulness. Kindness, laughter, commitment, travel, safety, support, dreams…my life. I had it all…but he walked away from me…like i was nothing. 11 years together 4 kids, war, cancer and memories…good and bad…but he left me still. Without looking back, lying to me at every corner, filling me with hope, then took it away. Still even now tho…when I looked into his face I love him. I want my husband. I should be able to let go…he has hurt me so bad…and yet he still there…deep in my soul.
I need to let go and save my soul from this continuous death…this constant feeling of reliving him walk away from me. I wasn’t perfect…he wasn’t either and I don’t want perfect. But with all him imperfections he’s perfect for me. But my heart hurts so bad…that I can’t breath sometimes. Its so overwhelming. I just want to break down and walk away from all the reminders of the life I had. But I can’t. To many people depend on me…so i give up…i give up…I can’t hold on any more. I have to give up in order to live. I have to live.